On the 2nd of November I sent myself the challenge to blog every single day and guess what I managed it! One can’t believe that we are at the end of November and tomorrow is the 1st of December. Would love to say where has this year gone however feel very much like I have lived every single day and while that could be a positive thing it isn’t in this case. But that is by the by now. The second thing is that I have some how managed to take pictures and find something to say for 30 days!
After many months of waiting it is a bit strange to now have had my first psychology appointment, it has been about getting to this point but what now?
Today is the day that I have my first psychology appointment and my emotions, thoughts, feelings are all over the place with it. Feels like it has been a long wait for this day so doesn’t really seem real that today is the day.
Had dip in my mood yesterday evening ; it can be hard sometimes not to start thinking/ worrying/ stressing about stuff coming up in the near future and in the more distant future. Of course it doesn’t do any good and no one knows what is going to happen so for most of it it is completely out of anyone’s control. Still hard to stop the thoughts though and once there is one negative thought that opens the door for a lot more to start.
So yesterday was a week on from last Friday and that being the worst that I have ever felt. My brain makes a lot of associations with everything and remembers some aspects in a lot of detail so I was expecting some moments to be harder which they were but overall it was a pretty good day and a world apart from the week before.
Have done a lot of talking over the past few days so yesterday it was great to get out for a walk with Kat and Maia at Cathkin Braes in the sunshine and wind. Bit of talking but actually for both of us it was more just about enjoying being outside and being in the moment, being grateful to have that moment right there and then. Mindfulness for me isn’t about having those 10/15/20 minutes a day to sit with your thoughts but actually just more being exactly in the moment at that point with whatever you are doing. Yeah I very much can’t do that all the time and I don’t think anyone can but when outdoors with my wife and dog it is very much about being there and then to enjoy that. At that point nothing else matters.
This picture was taken on Saturday morning from the outside area of the psychiatric ward at Lochgilphead. Where I work up on Saturday morning so yeah each time I have felt like I have hit rock bottom in the past few months I then seem to have another layer below that. However that really feels like it was right down there at the bottom.