Rock Bottom

This picture was taken on Saturday morning from the outside area of the psychiatric ward at Lochgilphead. Where I work up on Saturday morning so yeah each time I have felt like I have hit rock bottom in the past few months I then seem to have another layer below that. However that really feels like it was right down there at the bottom.

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Baseline

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I feel over the past few months that I have reached rock bottom and then something else would happen and I would feel worse. It was heart wrenching and soul destroying, just felt like how much more do I have to deal with for this to be my worse. I almost just wanted it to get the worst that it could so then I knew that I have nowhere else to keep going down to that when I did go low again that I knew where that was, that I had experience of it and coming back. That everything wasn’t so new!  Continue reading “Baseline”

Identity

 The past few days I feel like I have had a nuclear bomb dropped onto my world and wiped out everything that I have known before this point. I know it hasn’t wiped out everything and there is still a lot there but I am not at the stage to start looking for what is left or to change from knowing to feeling. Feels like a lot of my identity has gone and now I am lost about what to do.

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Memories

Last weekend my wife and I went to her family home to stay and it was the first time that had both been there together since everything really started to come out with how I am feeling. It was always going to be a hard weekend with all the memories, emotions and talk happening but it felt like the right thing to do. Sometimes you need to go through that hard stuff to find the good stuff. Continue reading “Memories”